Jul 10, 2009

The Weighting Game

So here’s how this particular post is going to work; I’m going to reveal something very personal about myself and you’re not going to judge me, mmmkay? Oh yeah, it’s also going to be long, so I’ll break it up with pictures, because people like pictures, right?

Hokay, here we go then. Hi! My name is Jessica and I’ve been overweight the majority of my life.
Now, don't get me wrong; according to doctors I'm very healthy. But despite being an active person most of my life and not being a fan of sweets (although I do like an occasional frosting-less cupcake!), I’ve always been the bigger gal in the crowd.

Middle school was a horrific time in my life and I still hold resentment towards the girls who let the words, “Jiggle, Jessica, jiggle,” pass their lips while I tried out for the school’s basketball team. Luckily middle school was short lived.

I found true friends in high school who loved and looked past what size I wore; in fact, I’m still best friends with several people I met my freshman year of high school, which I think says a lot about friendships and the character of these people (several of whom are going to be in and at my wedding!)

While I never did the yo-yo dieting, I did become a very unhealthy vegetarian for about a year in high school and even though I lost a lot of weight, I did it the wrong way and gained it all back when I reintroduced beef and fish into my life.

Over the years I learned to dress myself in a way that (I hope) flattered my curves, and I focused on making my personality be the focal point of who I am. Romantic relationships were always a hit or miss with me, mostly because I didn’t feel comfortable enough in my own skin to be comfortable around someone else.

In college, I gained the freshman 15 (eeerrr…maybe it was more like 25), but I was becoming even more at ease with who I was as a person, and on top of that I was working out a lot more, and was once again surrounded by a close group of friends who accepted me for me.




(on the left is me a few weeks into my freshman year at college. On the right is me a few weeks before I graduated. And wow, could I have picked a more "worse" picture?)

After college I trained for a half marathon (to stay in shape and for personal reason) and I didn’t lose a single pound. Did ya catch that? I ran 13 miles and clocked in hundreds of miles during training and my weight stayed the exact same. Now before you tell me that I probably lost inches, I’ll just stop you right there. Everything stayed the same.
When Kenny came into my life he impacted me in a remarkable way. From the second I met him he’s told me I’m beautiful, sexy, breathtaking, and the most gorgeous woman in any room. And you know what? I actually believe him! He makes me feel like a supermodel, because he treats me like one. He makes me love being in my own overweight, hot and sweaty, sometimes bloated, skin.

On January 15th of this year I finally decided to do something for myself and I joined Weight Watchers with my mom. She had then lost around 20 pounds (now she’s lost 30), and I liked the premise behind the program: it’s not about a quick fix; it’s about a healthy lifestyle. I also signed up to speed walk another half marathon (and this time I did lose weight).

I signed up for WW in January for a few reasons, and I’ll admit that the first one on my list was because I wanted to look good. The second was because even though Kenny hadn’t proposed yet, I knew (okay, hoped!) we were going to get married someday and with marriage eventually comes kids, and I want to be the cool mom who has the energy to keep up with her kids. My third reason for joining WW was to learn a healthy way to live. Weight Watchers doesn’t deprive you of food. You aren’t told, “Step away from the French fries and cupcake.” You’re instead told, “Maybe instead of eating a large fry you can get a kids fry and still be satisfied,” or “If you really want a cupcake, make them yourself with healthier ingredients.” (And my fourth reason is because I want to look amazing in my wedding gown. There, I said it.)

A month after I joined WW, Kenny proposed! I was steadily losing weight from January to April (I lost 13 pounds just by working out and making healthier choices), but for the past two months I’ve been at a complete standstill; I’ll lose one pound and then gain two the next week. Wash, rinse, repeat, and that’s been me for the past two months.

Yesterday I made a decision to kick-start this Weighting Game into full gear again. That means drinking enough water, getting enough sleep, cutting out the booze, which I really don’t drink much of anyway, and making healthier decisions. I’ve been doing Bridal Boot Camp for five weeks (can you believe it’s been that long already?) and I know I’ve gained a lot of muscle, so I definitely want to continue keeping that sort of workout up, but I also need to kick my workouts on y own up a notch, too.

I guess I wrote this (very long) post, because on top of everything else I write about on here, I’m going to start including more of my weight loss journey, all the good, the bad, or yummy recipes I find along the way, because strength in numbers and accountability helps, so what better place to talk about it is there than here?

Whew! Talk about a show and tell. If you read all of this I applaud you, now—so I know I didn't just write more than 1,000 words for nothing—please do something for me (pretty please?). In the comments below, leave me some words of encouragement, why you think it's important to be healthy, or anything else you'd like to say.

Oh, and one more thing...Happy Friday :)

7 comments:

  1. There aren't many people who can keep motivated after everything you have done...and I admire you for it. I would be happy to motivate you because you aren't like the others who do it for vanity reasons and starve themselves and act as though being skinny is the only way to live. I haven't been below a double digit pant size since I was a junior in high school...and I never will be. That's how I was built and there's no shame in that. Good job, friend...keep up the hard work and reward yourself every once in a while...

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  2. You are not alone at all. I have given a brief history of being plus size on my blog as well. I realized last week (with only 65 more days till the wedding) that I needed a change. This morning was day 5 of my AM 2 mile walk/run (ok more walking ... I hate running) and I am sore, I feel it. I need to focus on my eating next week. Hopefully the combination with give me that Bridal Glow in September no matter what I weigh.

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  3. Hey there! I admire you for being so open about this subject and it sounds like you're on the right track. You're lucky to have such a supportive fiance who loves you regardless. I'm sure it helps you to stay focused on making the change because YOU want to, not because someone else wants you to. Way to go for taking the initiative to live a healthier lifestyle!

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  4. Thanks so much for sharing. A lot of time a lot of us just hide behind our struggles with our weight and it takes a lot of guts to open up. I had lost about 30 lbs last year (besides feeling better about myself, a very unforgiving bridesmaid dress provided motivation!), but after the wedding was over - i got WAY off track. it was still fair season here in new england which involves yummy fair food, then it was the holidays - and we all know how the holidays can be, and then jer was gone with the army for about 4 months. and i'm so bad when he's gone - "yes, new china, i will take one of everything please!" and the gym? forget about it! so, i gained 10 lbs back and i have just started getting back on track now. back to the gym, back to eating right, etc. my reasons? i have yet another bridesmaid dress to wear in 2 months, i want to be healthy, i want to fit back into the cute clothes i bought to reward myself when i lost the weight the first time, and i want to make it through jer's 12 month (and then some) deployment without doubling the size i am now. my best suggestions would be if you're not doing weight watchers anymore check out myfooddiary.com. it costs abotu 10 bucks a month and it's awesome. and the american heart association cookbook's are great! good luck!!! :)

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  5. What a great post! And kudos to you for sticking with it and making great choices! I'm not just talking about food, but about finding friends and loved ones who love you for YOU and who make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

    I am a huge fan of some of the WW recipes they are delicious and really focus on eating good food, not just eating less food.

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  6. I'm so glad you decided to start keeping track of your progress here! It's very inspirational :) I joined WW a couple years ago, but then I stopped going to the meetings even though I was losing weight. So stupid, I know. I hope you reach your goals!

    My fave WW recipe was a s'more. A quarter graham with a marshmellow, broil until melty, then (I think) 1 tsp of chocolate sauce, topped with a quarter graham. That was one point if I'm remembering correctly. I would make sure I had enough points at the end of the day to have 2 of these!

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  7. I know that this is an old post, but I ran across your blog looking at Air Force weddings. I recently got engaged to my best friend and the man of my dreams (which happens to be in the Air Force). This post really got me because it seemed like you were telling my story. I've always had trouble with my weight and recently I found out it was due to medical problems. However, I wanted to thank you for sharing this with me because sometimes I feel like I am alone with this. Thanks again! Ashley

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Thanks for leaving some love! I read every single comment and appreciate your kind words :)